WHAT TO DO

If you or a loved one are in need of immediate help, please call the 24-hour Domestic Violence hotline for support:

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Here are some tips on how you can support a friend or loved one who might be experiencing a situation of domestic violence:

Say something.
Lend a listening ear. Tell your friend that you care and are willing to listen. Don’t force the issue, but allow your friend to confide in you at her/his own pace. Never blame your friend for what is happening or underestimate her/his fear of potential danger. Focus on supporting your friend’s right to make her/his own decisions.

Become informed.
Find out all the facts you can about dating violence. Contact offices on campus that address sexual and dating violence, or contact the local program(s) in your area that assist victims of domestic violence. Look for books about dating violence in your local library.

Guide your friend to community services.
Gather information about dating/domestic violence programs in your area. These programs offer safety, advocacy, support, legal information, and other needed services. If your friend asks for advice on what s/he should do, share the information you’ve gathered. Let your friend know your s/he is not alone and people are available to help. Encourage her/him to seek the assistance of dating/domestic violence victim advocates. Assure her/him that they will keep information confidential.

If your friend decides to end the relationship…
Help her/him make a plan to be safe by “creating an exit plan.” S/he may want to call a local domestic violence hotline to help create a “safety plan”. Domestic violence programs can help her/him look at her/his options and make a plan to be as safe as possible. VICTIMS OF DATING VIOLENCE FACE THE GREATEST RISK WHEN THEY TRY TO END THE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. If the abusive person feels s/he has lost control, s/he may become very dangerous.

Focus on her/his strengths.
Your friend has probably continually been told by the abusive person that s/he is a bad person, a bad student, or a bad friend. Your friend may believe s/he can’t do anything right and that there really is something wrong with her/him. Give her/him emotional support. Help her/him examine her/his strengths and skills. Emphasize that s/he deserves a life that is free from violence.

Here are several things you can do to help yourself and/or your friend:

This is not your fault! No one deserves to be treated in an abusive way!
Seek outside help in a support group or in counseling.
Share what’s happening with a trusted friend. It is important to have a good support system to get through this.
Abusers will often isolate their victims; reach out to friends and family you may have not connected with in a while.
If you live together, try to save small amounts of money. Keep it in a safe place like a safety deposit box or with a friend.
Open your own savings account; if you live together, do not have the statements sent to your home; get a P.O. Box or pick them up at the bank.
Leave some extra money at a friend’s home.
If possible get a part time or full time job.
Identify family members or friends who could lend temporary financial support.
Be aware of weapons your partner may have
Avoid going on long trips alone with your partner. Try to let friends and friends know where you are going.
If your abuser has a copy of your key, change your locks.
Keep certain items handy in a bag, but in a hidden place in case of an emergency: extra keys, emergency phone numbers, money, a change of clothes for you and your kids (if you have children), medications, birth certificates, social security cards, credit and/or debit cards.

DV HOTLINE:
800.621.(HOPE)4673

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